Guys be like “don’t wear leggings if you don’t got no ass” and I see you bitches walking around in muscle shirts without any muscles so pipe the fuck down

(via lamaenthel)



tell me boy meets world wasn’t brilliant

tell me

(Source: wenchyfloozymoo, via lamaenthel)

"The only person with a chance of catching Ray was Longenecker, who came sprinting down the Razorbacks’ sideline, closing distance like a khaki-panted puma and striding with the wideout for several seconds."
 (via Clash of the Ball Boys: FSU’s Red Lightning vs. Auburn’s Blue Thunder | Bleacher Report)

"The only person with a chance of catching Ray was Longenecker, who came sprinting down the Razorbacks’ sideline, closing distance like a khaki-panted puma and striding with the wideout for several seconds."
(via Clash of the Ball Boys: FSU’s Red Lightning vs. Auburn’s Blue Thunder | Bleacher Report)

An Auburn fan and a Tennessee fan are standing in the movie line…

An Auburn fan and a Tennessee fan are standing in the movie line…



Chrys Watches GoT [x]

She’s really only angry cause the Bastard got one, too.

(via lamaenthel)


Tonight in Culinary Fuckery: Just Another Shit Show with a Cherry on Top


Today I was on what i call Pastry Vacation. While I can be busy on this station, its easy work compared to all of the knife work and breaking down of proteins on other stations. Awesome Head Chef in the mean time realizes I don’t have all that much to do and starts making fun of me but I point out that I have already told Sous I can do the canapé today so leave me alone dammit and let me eat my goddamn Raisin Bran Crunch in peace.

  • Fifty petit fours
  • Four times the recipe for chocolate tart douugh
  • Form, blind bake and fill and bake twenty five chocolate tarts
  • Three half sheet trays of chocolate crunch made with manjari and feuilletine
  • Paco jet four pints of various sorbets
  • Creme chantilly

Then I start helping Sous……

  • Fifty mini pizzas topped with caramelized fennel and onion with thyme and a quick tapenade and pluche of micro something or other for today’s canapés. 
  • Two pounds of mixed forest mushrooms, garlic and shallot finely sliced with chopped parsley covered with veal stock thickened with twenty sheets of gelatin, strained and placed in wrapped molds, bricked to set as a terrine for tomorrow’s canapé.

After all the day students left, we were all jamming on our mise and talking shit when one of our few female Chef Instructors came into the kitchen to this……

  • The Boys: You’re a pussy. No YOU are a pussy. No, YOU are a big fat pussy [etc.etc.etc.]
  • Me: [shouty] IF YOU DO NOT STOP USING THE FEMININE AS AN INSULT, [deathly calm and quiet now that i have their attention] I will happily end all of you.
  • The Boys: [sheepish] [Chicken Fucker volunteers himself as tribute] Sorry Ness….. I know I am a soft, dangling scrotum, not a tough pussy that can take a pounding.  

We are all clearly laughing and getting along but as I turn around and walk toward pastry, this Chef grabs me in a big bear hug and whispers “I fucking love you” in my ear.

Then service started and the FNG is as usual, a mess so while I have yet to properly set up my station I find myself plating half his dishes and running them to the pass.

The waiters start fucking up my tickets and my goddamn cornets are a mess and I am getting birthdays and anniversaries on the fly so I get shouty with FOH but then the Assistant Manager came back and told me that the Chef who fuck the patriarchy hugged me was having dinner with her friends and they all wanted to thank me for the desserts.

I removed the filthier rags from my apron and went to FOH. Her boyfriend and his Dad gave me a standing ovation and hugs and asked if they could have their pictures taken with my dirty, filthy self.

Night. Made.

And here I was, proud that I’d made chocolate Jello pudding and not burned myself…


…that sippy cup didn’t stand a chance.


…that sippy cup didn’t stand a chance.

(Source: mrchompers)

I’m squinting right now bro. >_<

WAIT A MINUTE…you were squinting…and talking to me.

*side eye*

Ever talk to someone so stupid that they make you squint?

Ever talk to someone so stupid that they make you squint?


Coming up with the nine questions was much more difficult than answering them. Consider yourself forewarned.

I was tagged… She got me! 

• Rule 1: Always post the rules
• Rule 2: Answer the questions the person who tagged you asked and write 9 new ones.
• Rule 3: Tag 11 people and link them to this post. (I’ll break this rule shortly.)
• Rule 4: Actually tell them you tagged them. (I’m tagging just about everybody I follow—or until i get tired of tagging.  Go ahead and answers these, if you have the time and inclination.)

I was tagged by the wonderful and sexy 14rugger so clearly I have to do it because she likes me! She really likes me! (Remember that earlier comment about stealing words that are better than your own? Yeah.)

1. If you could have any pet, domestic or exotic, what would it be and what would you name it?  I’d want my pet back. He died too soon. German shephard. Great dog. That day sucked. AH! No more downers!

2. What is one thing you’ll never understand about the opposite sex? Why they think peeing standing up is the tits.

3. If you had to pick a superpower, what would it be? I’d like to be faster. Like, really fast. Flash fast. NO–Silver Surfer fast! But I’m not traveling or moving that far, so Flash-fast is good enough for me. I’ll never drop another M&M to the ground, that’s for sure!

4. What’s your favorite snack food? I think my go to is Ruffles potato chips. That being said, I eat a lot of snack food: sriracha peas, doritos, fritos, boiled peanuts, dry roasted peanuts, seaweed–it’s like that scene “What’re you rebelling against - Whaddaya got?” only with snack food–but the savory kind. Generally not a sweets kind of guy.

5. What is your dream destination? Nirvana. Or Momofuku.  Close call there.

6. Who would play you in a movie based on your life? Depends on what period of my life we’re discussing. As a young child, Russell from “Up.” As an old professional, Judge Ito. As a hardened warrior of awesomeness, Ken Watanabe. (But truthfully, it’d probably be some Asian Chris Farley looking dude.)

7. Which TV character did you most relate to as a child? I didn’t? TV has always been entertainment for me. I watched a lot of GI Joe, Transformers, He Man (She Ra, but I’ll deny it after this moment), and Smurfs. (And Mainzelmaennchen. If you don’t know what that is, source the Google oracle.)

8. When you fly, do you prefer window, aisle, or are you one of the strange people who like to sit in the middle? Aisle.

9. What’s your favorite quote? I have several that I often use. Allow me to share the ones that come quickly to mind. “You’ll get no sympathy from me! You want sympathy, look in the dictionary between shit and syphilis!”

I use “like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm” a lot. And “builds character.”

Now I’m supposed to think of 9 new questions and tag people… here goes:

1. Do you have a favorite cut of beef? Please elaborate.
2. What is currently your favorite item of clothing?
3. What was one of your most memorable gifts–either given or received?
4. Do you have a guilty pleasure? Please elaborate.
5. If you had to chose, would it be black ink or blue ink?
6. When was the last time you got the giggles at a generally inappropriate time? Please elaborate.
7. We had “Career Day” almost every year when I was in grade school. What was/is your dream career?
8. What is one of your favorite material objects?
9. Who’s on first?

Sonic, y&#8217;all.  

Sonic, y’all.  


Because I’m really just an upright lemming—and cause Ralph rocks it—I proffer the following for your reading pleasure. Yeah. Pleasure.

Tagged by Ralph, so I’ll honor his wishes.

URL: receiver dot tumblr dot com

Nickname: I don’t have one.

Birthday: I don’t share this.

Gender: Male (I think cisgender male is the phrase now? I’m a male identifying as a male.)

Sexuality: Straight (Ahem: gynephilic.)

Height: 5’7” and shrinking, like fat, old people are known to do. (When someone answers correctly and better than you can, you steal their answer.)

Time Zone: CST

What time and date is it there: 0905hrs, 28 Aug 2014.

Average hours of sleep I get each night: 6

The last thing I Googled was: 2D glasses. (Find more info here: (Full disclosure: It was how to spell gynephilic, but after that I needed the 2D glasses for a FB post.)

First word that comes to mind: Pizza

What I last said to a family member: I’ll probably be home for lunch. I’ll let you know. Love you! (I guess really: I love you!)

One place that makes me happy & why: The nave of the Episcopal church I attend.  (Singing with the dudes in our dude group. It’s very fulfilling–no egos to deal with, good musicianship all around, and quality tunes.)

How many blankets I sleep under: None. It’s freaking hot here. I sleep on top of my blankets. TMI: we have two blankets–hers and mine. She sleeps under a German down comforter thingy. I sleep on top of a Mexican blanket.

Favorite beverage(s): Diet coke. Big Red Zero.

The last movie I watched in the cinema: Underworld: Awakening. I watched it in 3D. (C’mon! It’s a giant Kate Beckinsale in that hot body suit! Don’t lie–you would have too, if you’d given it proper thought!)

Three things I can’t live without: Family, Diet Coke, and some music.

Something I plan on learning: I’m gonna pick up that ding dong violin again one day and give it a proper go.

A piece of advice for all my followers: Don’t sell yourself short. Give it a try, and if you don’t get it/make it/accomplish it/win it–hey, the experience truly will be worth it.

This ain’t the Ice Bucket Challenge so (1) you have more than 24 hours, and (2) don’t feel obligated to do this if you don’t want to. But, you can always donate to a good cause. I’ll never stop you from doing that. (Maybe this one:

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