January 2012
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PAGING TLOTH
texnessa:
there’s a seating at a certain restaurant saturday night so READ YOUR EMAIL STAT and we need a fourth
*le sigh*
Bios Blow
palmtreepalmtree:
Have to write a first-person bio for my summer job. Kind of want to kill myself.
I have decided that the following are pretty much the worst things to have to write ever:
Job application cover letter
College application essay/Personal statement
Personal bio - first person/third person; short/long; whatever
Wedding toast
Eulogy
These are the ugly runts of the writing...
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Good morning,Tumblr.
Good night, Tumblr.
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She was wonderful.
Lunch, then a date with Kate Beckinsale.
See y’all!
Having now considered it, (thanks, TLOTH) I assume the Grinch is a grower, and not a show-er.
Fair Trade Agreements
palmtreepalmtree:
It has recently come to my attention that my roommate has a phobia about taking out the trash. It’s something to do with our “weird” and “pasty” neighbors watching her.
Tonight we struck a deal that I would take out the trash and she would do the dishes.
I’m pretty certain that I made the better deal.
She’s pretty certain that she made the better deal.
Thus, it is...
Good morning, Tumblr.
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Good night, Tumblr.
HUMP NIGHT!
The jury's still out but...
womaninterrupted:
kenikila:
An orgasm may have helped cure my headache. A little blood flow and all…!
“Honey, I have a headache. Can you help me out?”
Reminds me of that joke where the guys asks the girl if she wants her aspirin orally or suppository-ly.
whiskeywithwater:
blackcharityrackham:
I just heard Rihanna describe herself as a “rockstar”. I laughed so hard I almost fell of my chair.
Some people need a good reality slap.
I think Chris Brown beat reality to it
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Just spoke with four employees of the USDC,...
Y’all got some funny accents.
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For TLOTH and her Friend:
Edna: It will be bold! Dramatic!
Bob: Yeah!
Edna: Heroic!
Bob: Yeah. Something classic, like, like Dynaguy. Oh, he had a great look! Oh, the cape and the boots...
Edna: [throws a wadded ball of paper at Bob's head] No capes!
Bob: Isn't that my decision?
Edna: Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man, good with kids.
Bob: Listen, E...
Edna: November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved, when... his cape snagged on a missile fin!
Bob: Thunderhead was not the brightest bulb...
Edna: Stratogale! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine!
Bob: E, you can't generalize about these things...
Edna: Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex!
Edna: [shouts] No capes!
Money says Sawyer will have to apologize to James... →
kindasavvy:
Dianne Sawyer pissed off our local weatherman. He’s fuming mad.
She’s stupid. Big deal. He doesn’t need to cry or debate about it. #losingmyloveforJamesSpann
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Good morning, Tumblr.
Hump day!
Have a good night, Tumblr.
TT
womaninterrupted:
Was just told that I smell “soft and vanilla-y.” You heard it here first.
I would kind of have (kind of have?) expected garlicy and/or gochujangy (or owever you spell that)…not that I’d have minded!
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section9:
americastestkitchen:
Cooking Tip of the Day: To mellow cut onions, soak for 15 minutes in water and baking soda to neutralize pungent sulfur compounds.
I saw this and thought “my roommate needs this”
Particularly helpful when making sammiches…but I just float them in water, I don’t use baking soda….hmmm…
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Screw the Oscar-nominated movies...
this Friday (my next off day) I’m going to see Underworld 4.
Truthful Tuesday.
crumpeteatingwoofter:
I’ve just had to Google “how to make an omelette”.
Yep. 29 years of age, and never made a fucking omelette in her life.
Not knowing how to make an omelette? No big deal.
Learning how to make an omelette? Big deal. Good form, lass, good form!
HAVING RUN OUT OF BACON? Extremely f*cking huge deal! Who are you? I feel like I don’t even know you anymore!